Tonight I howl.

I howl loud and true to you.

You’re formidable. You are human. You are flawed and so beautiful in these new sides of you I’ve gotten to see. Especially today. I feel like I failed myself. I could have said so much. I outlined so much and mentally planned so much just for it to once again disintegrate before my minds eye crippled in the fear and high of being so close to you. You could frankly ask or just pull the trigger, we can investigate after what happened. That’s kind of all life is to us; a Big Bang we try to turn backwards and inside out to understand how this works and why it keeps happening..

I’m so sorry I failed.

Your joke cut me deep in a part I don’t think you’ll ever truly know. You’re a dark one. But in the entirety of that day, I’ll think of your joy to find happiness with the ones you love and trust enough to let in, hold tight and love without fright.

I’m undeserving and I’ll endure the punches as they come. Set me free or enslave me eternally. I’m good either way.

But tonight I howl in pain because I wasn’t enough. Because We may just never be enough to take a great leap. Because we may never discover what we could be if we never try to see what’s in this.

This quite desperation is killing me.