We said goodbye, and you rushed to the train station. You turned around and looked at me. I’m not sure what that look meant, but I know it’s no longer the same longing look we once shared. That winter is long gone now. I know it as I walk by your office these days, knowing behind that door there’s only an empty space. I know it as every time I walk to the coffee room, I no longer see us sitting on those sofas, quietly reading next to each other.
That winter is long gone now.
I still have so much to say, you know. But in the end, all that could come out was simply an apology. And you said to me the same. “I’m sorry if I have hurt you.” I know either of us wanted to hurt the other. But we did. I said it’s okay, but the truth is, I suffered so much. I tried running away from this city, away from all of the memories of us lurking behind these street corners. Behind the corridor, and those empty offices, there were us. The first time you held my hand. The first time we kissed. The first time I let myself get lost inside those eyes. I did love you, and I know a part of me still loves you. But what difference would that make?
It was not simply a secret love affair, you know that. It was not just a fling. We were each other’s best friend in that office. We were so open and honest to each other. We shared so many secrets. And yet, we were so hesitant, so afraid. In the end, that fear overcame us.
You were my best friend. And now, there seems to be no space for even a conversation. I had to rush to say those last few words to you. You no longer have the space, the time, nor the patience, for me.
You were my best friend.
And now we’re back to where we began, my colleague. I guess that’s where we should have always been.